Satire
Satire

A S**thole Country? New Statue in DC is a Turd on a Desk

Because things can always get weirder, the newest statue on the National Mall features a faux-bronze turd sitting on Nancy Pelosi's desk to "honor" what their führer calls the "unbelievable patriots" - especially the hero boasting "I pooped in Pelosi's desk" - who broke into the Capitol at Jan. 6th's "love fest" to loot, piss, spread s**t and overturn an election. We thought Trump long ago broke satire, along with irony and every other nice thing, but we guess it survived.

Recently updated on October 28th, 2024 at 09:11 pm

The fact that, in DC, there is a statue of a giant turd on Nancy Pelosi’s desk, is proof that we have all been sucked into another dimension. It’s a strange place where a 78-year-old sociopath who wears 3 layers of bronzer on his face, and could possibly be insane, has a cult following. This lunatic brainwashed millions of people into believing he won an election that he lost.

He fired up a few militias: the Proud “Mama’s” Boys and the “Break the Oath” Keepers, along with hundreds of his followers and made them believe that they were doing a righteous and noble thing by invading the United States Capitol. He had so much control over their minds that they believed the Capitol police were the enemy they needed to defeat in order to get inside. They succeeded in breaking into the building and a man, who hates Nancy Pelosi but can’t articulate why, found her office, pulled down his faded jeans, his dirty tightie whities, and took a s$#t on her desk. He had skipped his after-coffee-morning dump and ate taco bell right before the insurrection just so the turd he produced would be so magnificent that they would late honor it with a statue.

Pelosi desk turd-statue
Caricature of Nancy Pelosi
By DonkeyHotey, Flickr, Creative Commons 2.0 license

This dimension is so insane that after all of that happened, millions of Americans still loved that crazy, old orange man. In fact, after he led an insurrection against our government and called his army “heroes” and “patriots,” the United States of America allowed him, a traitor, to run for president again, Millions of Americans are choosing to elect him as Dictator. He would be the leader of the free world until the brain rot and the “weaves” turned into the nonsensical ramblings of a madman. Well, that has already happened, but once his weaves include classified secrets and war plans, the dictatorship will change hands and some weird guy that hates cats and anyone different from him will take his place for the next few decades.

In this fu@#$d up dimension, our country is willingly choosing to end the democracy experiment and try something different. Unfortunately, once you end the experiment and delve into fascism, you can never go back. In this dimension, we view the cult members who attacked police, broke into our Capitol building and s$#t all over it as just “the other party.” The politicians of that party are fascist-racist-white supremacist-christian nationalist-misogynist-conspiracy theorist coup plotters. Yet the mainstream media treated them like a normal political party.

In this dimension, the legacy media will be to blame for normalizing a Hitler-loving fascist’s rise to power. They acted as if the “normal” candidate had to do everything expected of a candidate running for president, while pretending 2024 was just like every other election (it was the most consequential election of our lifetime, but let’s analyze each candidate’s policy proposals).

That is how we willingly gave away the only things that made America the amazing country it was—the right of the people to choose who we want to run our country, and the freedom that countless brave soldiers fought to preserve for us. They were the original Antifa, and we chose to go with the enemies those brave men and women fought to protect us from.

Caricature of Donald Trump side profile with a huge open mouth.
By DonkeyHotey, Flickr, Creative Commons 2.0 license

In this dimension, we are about to live in the United States of Trumputin. Our flag will be a Trump campaign flag, and there’s a statue of a giant turd on a desk near our Capitol building and the White House. Can someone please find a way back to the dimension we came from?

commentary on the s**t statue by Abby Zimmet, Common Dreams

Since the 1800s, the National Mall has served as “a civic stage” for peaceful expressions of our First Amendment rights, usually on behalf of justice, progress and human rights. In this case, a group called Civic Crafting actually got a National Park Service (NPS) permit for their tribute to the yahoos who smashed windows, trashed offices and smeared their extremist excrement in those “hallowed halls” in foul, brown footprints – to poop, though they wisely didn’t call it that.

“This desk represents the heart of democracy,” they wrote in their permit application. “More than just a place for work, it is a testament to the ideals of transparency, accountability and representation…When rioters broke in to destroy these ideals, this desk (stood) firm. So too must the principles of equality, justice, and freedom that it represents.” Next week, they’ll probably try to sell the NPS a bridge.

Anyway, here it is. The bronze-ish turd sits on the desk, which stands on a concrete block, which has a plaque. “This memorial honors the brave men and women who broke into the United States Capitol on January 6, 2021 to loot, urinate and defecate,” it reads in part. “President Trump celebrates these heroes of January 6th as ‘unbelievable patriots’ and ‘warriors.’

This monument stands as testament to their daring sacrifice and lasting legacy.” Understandably, it singles out the daring of one Francis Connor, who days after the riot gleefully posted on Instagram,

“I was in the Capitol. And I pooped in Pelosi’s desk. Come lock me up. There’s nothing to live for if Trump isn’t in office.”

In April 2022, Connor pleaded guilty in federal court to disorderly conduct and illegally entering restricted grounds; inexplicably, he got off poop-free with just 12 months of probation.

Trump, of course, got off even easier. Thanks to a SCOTUS immunity ruling that to date has saved his ass, he’s still lumbering around the country, jabbering about his loutish “patriots.” “The moment we win, we will rapidly review the cases of every political prisoner unjustly victimized by the Harris regime,” he redundantly vowed Thursday in Wisconsin, “and I will sign their pardons on day one.”

Turns out it’s gonna be a busy day one: He’ll also claim his dictatorial powers, fire Jack Smith – a “mean man” and “sick puppy” – within “two seconds,” and will pardon himself. According to Tucker Carlson, he’ll also get in some spanking. “Dad is pissed,” he creepily, bafflingly told a Georgia crowd. “And when dad gets home, you know what he says? ‘You’ve been a bad girl and you’re getting a vigorous spanking.”

Harris campaign:

Because in the real world Jan. 6 was a bloody, traumatic day that left five dead, a country reeling and scores of police injured, the DOJ has convicted over 1,000 people for their role in it, and they’re still seeking information; a law also calls for a plain plaque honoring those officers, but somehow MAGA Mike hasn’t gotten to it.

For now, just the turd and desk mark the ignoble spot, with a plaque likely above the pay grade of cult members stubbornly claiming it was all Antifa and proudly posting “Felon/Hillbilly 2024” signs.

A security guard says people passing by the memorial, up until Oct. 30, tend to stop, stare, laugh, and take pictures. A family from Wisconsin stopped after their sharp-eyed daughter, 9, swore it was poop on a desk. (It is.) Given the discordant times, her father didn’t offer a name, just an opinion: “Whoever did this is a national hero.”

This article originally appeared on Common Dreams and was republished here, with permission, under a Creative Commons 3.0 License.

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